theduff | [For Derek]

Entry tags:

derek hale,
in-game

[For Derek]

I don't know why I kept going back to the cabin. Maybe there's some sliver of hope still in me that he'll show back up like nothing has happened. I mean, some people have been gone and have come back, right? Maybe this is only temporary.

It's been over a week, though, and Derek still hasn't returned. That first day I went over after not hearing from him for a couple days, I sort of broke into his cabin. Sort of. It didn't sound like he was home, but I could hear Jinx crying inside, and that alone freaked me out. I managed to get into the cabin through a window, and it looked like he hadn't been there for a couple of days.

That put a fucking damper on my Halloween, let me tell you.

After three days of returning each evening to feed Jinx and Puff, I finally just brought them back home with me. I hated trekking out there, getting my hopes up along the way, just to have them crushed again. Whenever Derek came back, he could come and get them from me.

That's what I figured, anyway. Especially when I realized he wasn't the only one gone.

Neil was, too. And Hild. And Thomas. And even Bitty, who was new but a nice presence around the bar. Semele's was quiet, I stopped receiving texts from any of my friends, and I suddenly felt so alone for the very first time since I got here. Derek had been there since my very first day in Darrow, and I hadn't realized how much I relied on him being around until he wasn't.

Running out of food for Jinx and Puff is the only reason I head back out there again. I don't remember what sort of food I have to get for Jinx, and I know she'll make me regret if I don't get Her Majesty's exact brand. I even tell her as much, trying to make light conversation because she's been pissed at me ever since I put her in a cat carrier for the trip over. Puff is sitting in a pocket in my jacket, a quiet, warm ball of fuzz against my hip.

I try not to get my hopes up when I reach the front door. Eleven days (since the last time he texted me, anyway) is a long time, and I don't know. Maybe he is gone. Maybe he isn't.

"We're here," I tell Jinx as I set her down, pulling out the spare key I snagged on my way out of the cabin that first day to unlock the door. She ignores me as I move the carrier into the doorway, then unlatch it so she can dart out.

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"Like Nightmare on Elm Street?" I ask, the what the fuck? highly implied in the tone of my voice.

Because really, what the fuck? Derek had been gone for a pretty damn long time to be stuck in some nightmare, and the closer I look at him, the more I can see how it must have worn on him.

"You were gone for a while. Too long." Way too long to be alone in some nightmare. Long enough for me to realize how attached I've gotten, and how much I rely on Derek and my friends to keep me from feeling completely lonely and homesick every day.

"Something like that," Derek says with a frown. "Or those video games. The ones with all the ash. It was like-- I don't know. Like everything had been on fire, or it was still burning. I've dealt with enough ash in my life."

He sighs and then looks over at Bianca with a wry sort of smile. "Trust me, I much rather would have been here."

Bianca looks a little lost, and Derek leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, arm curled around her as he pulls her closer. "But I'm here now, and we should go get some food. Or nap. I didn't get much sleep much while I was gone."

He is here, and the warmth from his body beside mine is reassuring. I almost don't want to leave now; it's like some tiny part of my brain wonders if he'll still be here if I leave and come back.

"You should definitely get more sleep, you look terrible," I tell him sweetly. I mean, he does look exactly like someone who spent just under two weeks in some living nightmare. No sense in lying about it.

It hits me suddenly, out of the blue, that if Derek was gone somewhere, then maybe the same thing happened to the others. "Shit, I should text everyone," I say, shifting so I can get my phone out of my back pocket. "Neil and Thomas have been gone, and so has Hild. And I think Bitty? But I don't know him as well so I don't have his number and I didn't really know where to look for him."

"You say the sweetest things," Derek tells her, but the teasing note leaves his voice when she expresses worry for the others. He gives her a reassuring squeeze and nods a bit. "Bitty and Neil were with me the whole time. They're back now. Thomas and Hild were there too. I saw them. Fought with them."

He doesn't mention how he saved Hild's life, or how close she came to having her blood spilled out into the ash. "A lot of us were dragged there, and some are still there. But everyone you mentioned has come home."

It's strange to think of this place as home, but it is. And those people, the ones he fought with in that strange other place, are his pack. "I made sure Bitty and Neil got back to their places safe. I passed by to check for Thomas' and Hild's heartbeats before I came here."

There were others he checked for too, like Oliver, and Dean and Cas. He was ready to drop by the time he finally made it to the cabin, but he slept more soundly with the knowledge that most of those he cared for were back and safe.

I pause briefly, nodding in relief to hear that everyone I cared for was back. I don't know why they were gone or what happened, but knowing I'm not so alone anymore is what I've been wanting to hear days.

"I can't believe so many of you were gone," I say even as I shoot a quick text to Neil, then copy and paste to the others. (Derek says you're back?? just wanna know you're okay) When I put my phone down and look at Derek again, the relief just gives way to worry. "And fighting? What-- why? Why did you even go in the first place?"

I know he probably doesn't have the answers, but it's just a little too much for me to take in.

"Well, it isn't like we volunteered to go. One second I was in the park with Bitty and Neil, and the next we were all in some alternate version of the same place. We had no idea what was going on," Derek tells her, shuddering slightly at the memory. "Monsters. We were fighting monsters that could take the form of our fears."

He shuts his eyes tightly and shivers again, pressing in closer to Bianca. "I'm just really glad we made it out. I wasn't even sure this Darrow still existed."

"I'm glad you're back." I want to protest, or yell, or do something, say something, but what the hell can I do now that it's all over? It's not like I have much experience with anything like this. The hardest thing I've had to comfort someone through was when Jess's parents got divorced, and that seems so easy now compared to some of the weird and terrible shit I've seen and heard about here.

At least I can wrap my arm around Derek and rest my head on his shoulder, letting him know I'm here and doing the best I can.

"Get some sleep," I tell him, watching as Jinx curls up in his lap, happier than I've seen her in a week. "And I'll go get the rest of Jinx's stuff and pick up some take out."

Bianca curls in against him and Derek relaxes into her hold, wrapping an arm around her waist and resting his head on top of hers. She tells him to sleep and for a moment he thinks that she's going to stay, and lay down with him, and he wouldn't mind that. He'd appreciate the comfort.

But she's going to leave, and Derek just nods a bit, not quite ready to let her go. He doesn't want to tell her what he saw in that other place, but he thinks about how he watched blood pour from Bianca's mouth, watched her die right there in the ash, and he holds her just a bit tighter.

"Be safe," he tells her, turning to press a kiss to the top of her head.

"I will," I promise him, though I don't move yet. I get the feeling Derek doesn't want me to leave, and I'm happy to stay for a little longer.

I am hungry now that I've brought the idea of food up, but this is good.

"You're not moving," Derek points out, but he doesn't sound unhappy about it. He falls back onto the bed and sort of tugs Bianca down with him. He had wanted to be alone, to retreat into his own head, but now he isn't so sure. He has his friend, and his pets, and for the first time in almost two weeks, he actually feels safe.

"You think the pizza guy would come out here if I promised a big tip?" He huffs out a tired laugh and looks up at the ceiling, gliding a hand across Jinx's back as the puff bounces between him and Bianca.

"You're not letting go," I respond, which is the truth. It's also true that I can just let go and leave, but whatever.

Besides, it's harder to get up when we're lying on the bed. For as much as I can enjoy spending time by myself, I've felt incredibly lonely the past few days and this is making up for it.

"There are probably places you can call that'll charge for delivery out here, I bet."

"Maybe I don't want to let go," Derek mumbles, turning in so that he can press his face against Bianca's neck, breathing in her scent. She smells good, sort of woodsy and sweet, and Derek takes comfort in that and her heartbeat, nearby and safe.

"Use your phone," Derek mumbles against her skin, sounding half asleep and like he isn't moving anytime soon. "I want at least three pizzas and whatever you want."

Okay then, I guess we're cuddling now.

I don't know why I'm surprised at all that Derek would be a cuddler, he turns into a big dog at will.

"So much pizza," I say as I reach for my phone again, but I'm not judging him. I'm just glad he's around to be able to eat it at all. "Meat lovers? Everything? This is important, what toppings you have on your pizza is indicative of the kind of person you are, you know."

"Meat lover's, obviously," Derek mumbles, pulling the blankets up as he curls himself around her. She's warm and familiar, and Derek relishes in the contact. With her here, vibrant and alive, it's easier for Derek to push away the memories of her in that other place. "Look who you're talking to."

"I figured, but I thought I'd ask and be sure." It doesn't take me long to order the pizzas, after making sure they'll deliver to Derek's cabin for a pretty decent tip. Five pizzas might be a bit ridiculous, but Derek looks like he needs days of sleep, and having leftovers around will help keep him inside and resting. I'm being super optimistic here, Derek probably won't want to stay cooped up for long.

For now he seems to be content, and I feel the same. Having Derek curled up around me is new; before this, the only people I've ever cuddled with are Jess and Casey, and a few times with mom when she was in her cry-all-day phase of the divorce.

"I'm glad you're back," I tell Derek. "I really missed you."

"I missed you too," Derek tells her, too tired and relieved to be anything but honest. For a moment, he wants to tell her about what he saw down there, just to get it off of his chest, but he doesn't. He doesn't need to put that on her, especially the parts that she was involved in. Or the version of her in that other Darrow, anyway.

He just holds her close and does his best to push that memory out of his mind. She's here, and she's safe and alive, and that's what matters.

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[For Derek]

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