[For Derek]

[theduff]

I don't know why I kept going back to the cabin. Maybe there's some sliver of hope still in me that he'll show back up like nothing has happened. I mean, some people have been gone and have come back, right? Maybe this is only temporary.

It's been over a week, though, and Derek still hasn't returned. That first day I went over after not hearing from him for a couple days, I sort of broke into his cabin. Sort of. It didn't sound like he was home, but I could hear Jinx crying inside, and that alone freaked me out. I managed to get into the cabin through a window, and it looked like he hadn't been there for a couple of days.

That put a fucking damper on my Halloween, let me tell you.

After three days of returning each evening to feed Jinx and Puff, I finally just brought them back home with me. I hated trekking out there, getting my hopes up along the way, just to have them crushed again. Whenever Derek came back, he could come and get them from me.

That's what I figured, anyway. Especially when I realized he wasn't the only one gone.

Neil was, too. And Hild. And Thomas. And even Bitty, who was new but a nice presence around the bar. Semele's was quiet, I stopped receiving texts from any of my friends, and I suddenly felt so alone for the very first time since I got here. Derek had been there since my very first day in Darrow, and I hadn't realized how much I relied on him being around until he wasn't.

Running out of food for Jinx and Puff is the only reason I head back out there again. I don't remember what sort of food I have to get for Jinx, and I know she'll make me regret if I don't get Her Majesty's exact brand. I even tell her as much, trying to make light conversation because she's been pissed at me ever since I put her in a cat carrier for the trip over. Puff is sitting in a pocket in my jacket, a quiet, warm ball of fuzz against my hip.

I try not to get my hopes up when I reach the front door. Eleven days (since the last time he texted me, anyway) is a long time, and I don't know. Maybe he is gone. Maybe he isn't.

"We're here," I tell Jinx as I set her down, pulling out the spare key I snagged on my way out of the cabin that first day to unlock the door. She ignores me as I move the carrier into the doorway, then unlatch it so she can dart out.

Comments

[triskehale]

"You're not moving," Derek points out, but he doesn't sound unhappy about it. He falls back onto the bed and sort of tugs Bianca down with him. He had wanted to be alone, to retreat into his own head, but now he isn't so sure. He has his friend, and his pets, and for the first time in almost two weeks, he actually feels safe.

"You think the pizza guy would come out here if I promised a big tip?" He huffs out a tired laugh and looks up at the ceiling, gliding a hand across Jinx's back as the puff bounces between him and Bianca.

[theduff]

"You're not letting go," I respond, which is the truth. It's also true that I can just let go and leave, but whatever.

Besides, it's harder to get up when we're lying on the bed. For as much as I can enjoy spending time by myself, I've felt incredibly lonely the past few days and this is making up for it.

"There are probably places you can call that'll charge for delivery out here, I bet."

[triskehale]

"Maybe I don't want to let go," Derek mumbles, turning in so that he can press his face against Bianca's neck, breathing in her scent. She smells good, sort of woodsy and sweet, and Derek takes comfort in that and her heartbeat, nearby and safe.

"Use your phone," Derek mumbles against her skin, sounding half asleep and like he isn't moving anytime soon. "I want at least three pizzas and whatever you want."

[theduff]

Okay then, I guess we're cuddling now.

I don't know why I'm surprised at all that Derek would be a cuddler, he turns into a big dog at will.

"So much pizza," I say as I reach for my phone again, but I'm not judging him. I'm just glad he's around to be able to eat it at all. "Meat lovers? Everything? This is important, what toppings you have on your pizza is indicative of the kind of person you are, you know."

[triskehale]

"Meat lover's, obviously," Derek mumbles, pulling the blankets up as he curls himself around her. She's warm and familiar, and Derek relishes in the contact. With her here, vibrant and alive, it's easier for Derek to push away the memories of her in that other place. "Look who you're talking to."

[theduff]

"I figured, but I thought I'd ask and be sure." It doesn't take me long to order the pizzas, after making sure they'll deliver to Derek's cabin for a pretty decent tip. Five pizzas might be a bit ridiculous, but Derek looks like he needs days of sleep, and having leftovers around will help keep him inside and resting. I'm being super optimistic here, Derek probably won't want to stay cooped up for long.

For now he seems to be content, and I feel the same. Having Derek curled up around me is new; before this, the only people I've ever cuddled with are Jess and Casey, and a few times with mom when she was in her cry-all-day phase of the divorce.

"I'm glad you're back," I tell Derek. "I really missed you."

[triskehale]

"I missed you too," Derek tells her, too tired and relieved to be anything but honest. For a moment, he wants to tell her about what he saw down there, just to get it off of his chest, but he doesn't. He doesn't need to put that on her, especially the parts that she was involved in. Or the version of her in that other Darrow, anyway.

He just holds her close and does his best to push that memory out of his mind. She's here, and she's safe and alive, and that's what matters.